I Didn't Want to Read the Old Testament but Jesus Told Me To

& I am changed

“Be holy, for I am holy.” -God

Leviticus 11:44, Leviticus 11:45, Leviticus 19:2, Leviticus 20:7, Leviticus 20:26, Leviticus 21:8, Deuteronomy 23:14, 1 Peter 1:15, 1 Peter 1:16

It’s the beginning of November here in Florida. The air is still warm and humid, though my husband swears the weather is nice this time of year. My hair is still curled and frizzed, the leftovers of summer between every strand. I brought out my Santa mug for my morning coffees recently and urged my husband that we should decorate our home, peppering each shelf and corner with reds and greens, pinecones, snowmen, and twinkling lights.

Taken on a rare early morning where the air is cool enough for sweater weather.

I remember when I first went through revival a few years ago, I was ravenous for God’s Word. I asked the Lord where I should begin reading and the answer was clear, the New Testament. Oh, how I wept and rejoiced my way through the gospels and epistles. The Word had never been so alive in my life. Every week it seemed I was more and more changed, rapidly growing in understanding and wisdom from God. Even friends and family noticed. I wasn’t just a new creation according to God’s Word. I was visibly, audibly different. I dressed differently, I spoke differently, lacking no more my own fleshly desires, but desiring things of the Spirit. Praise Jesus, His Word is real.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

A few months ago, as I neared the final passages of Revelation, I asked God again, “What should I read now? The Old Testament?” Reader, honestly, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to read about men having children with their many wives and maidservants. Where was the romance between a man and his one wife? I didn’t want to read about God’s wrath. Where was His gentleness? I didn’t want to read about Him burning people up, turning someone into a pillar of salt, and destroying them because of their disobedience or unfaithfulness. Where was His mercy?

But a greater desire pulled me in still. I wanted to know God more. I wanted to spend time with Him and understand His story, just as I desired to sit down with my friends, new and old, and hear about every glorious and tumultuous part of their stories. And a fact far overpowered these resistant feelings towards the ancient text, that God is the same beginning to the end.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” John 1:1 (The Word, meaning Jesus)

So, I began to read. Swaying from excitement to sighs as I read through every chapter. At times, I would emerge from a quiet time with Lord with shoulders shrugged, with more questioning than understanding. In Leviticus I read every repetitive passage about this offering and that one, a bull without blemish for this, or a goat, or a lamb, or a pigeon, or grain, or flour. All to atone for sins. Each paragraph making me turn to Jesus and say, “Lord, I’m finding this really boring. But I’m doing it because I love you. I want to know you more.”

Then I entered Numbers, and surely, there are so many numbers. But I was surprised to find the age-old famous verse in the midst of the biblical census.

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26

Then I started reading about God’s wrath, and all the people that were burned up, devoured by the earth, or died of a plague because of it.

“God, why? Where is your mercy?”

As I read, the Holy Spirit began to walk alongside me in my reading. The Lord was showing me, “These people were set apart to be holy because I am holy. They needed to understand my authority and power. That it is either choose me and live or turn from me towards Satan which is death. And still they disobeyed and doubted me over and over again. Even after every miracle I performed for them. Even after I rescued them. Fear ruled their hearts. Where was their faith?”

Hmph… I thought to myself. That does sound like Jesus after all. And we today are not that much different from the Israelites.

How often has the Lord provided for us, comforted us, downright rescued us and set us free, and we still get hung up on the area or areas where we haven’t seen Him come through. We doubt Him, we grow frustrated with Him, we turn our fist towards Heaven and accuse Him of not loving us, at least not as much as He must love other people. Simply because our human mind and understanding can’t make sense of our circumstances. I’ll be the first to say, that is often me. I’m guilty. Lord, I’m sorry. I repent.

The Lord calls Himself a compassionate God who hears the cries of His people.¹ And I thought about Jesus’ compassion, and also His anger and frustration at unbelievers, at those who doubted Him. And likewise, His admiration of those with great faith. I thought of His commands to the people towards righteousness. He certainly did speak more about hell than Heaven. It was beginning to make sense. Truly, this was the same God.

As the days passed, an understanding of God’s holiness grew. He was and is Almighty. People in the Old Testament couldn’t even survive in the midst of His presence. His presence is that holy. And that same God calls me into relationship with Him because He loves me. I was in awe.

“The sun will burn your eyes out from a distance of 92 million miles and do you expect to casually stroll into the presence of its maker?” Luke Walker

At a church retreat we went on recently, the pastor’s wife asked me to lead worship. Nothing fancy, no microphones, just me and the singing voice God made me with, our friend on acoustic guitar, and a fellow I’d never met before on the cajon. We sang a mixture of contemporary worship songs, old hymns, and Holy Spirit-led lyrics and melodies produced on the spot.

Quiet time at the retreat with Daisy girl

Me? I’m a big fan of modern worship music. Songs by Hillsong, Bethel, Upper Room, Maverick City, etc. Imperfect Christian artists, like all of us, making music I can praise God with. But for the first time in my life, it was a hymn that brought me to tears.

How deep the Father's love for us?
How vast beyond all measure?
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss?
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Oh my, His holiness overtook me. How great and powerful and almighty is God. He who made oceans and mountains and planets. He who made the very sun my human body can’t even bear to look at with my human eyes for very long.

And He, looking at the world, decided to humble himself into our meek and destructible human form and enter into it, be tortured and killed for it, become the animal offering without blemish that He once asked of the Israelites. He shook His head at us, at our sin and pride and fear and doubt, and said, “I’ll do it. I’ll be the sacrificial offering. I’ll atone for their sins and for all sins to come. And it will be a far more gruesome, far longer, far more tortuous gory death than any animal sacrifice there was. I’ll do it because I love them. Because I am a Father and I long to keep my sons and daughters.”

Hands raised, palms turned skyward, an acoustic guitar being strummed with vigor, a stranger on the cajon, and me, with my voice raised to lead my brothers and sisters in praise, I wept. How undeserving I am of such a love, such access to holiness, such a call to become holy.

I am still making my way through the Old Testament. Lit up snowflakes draped across the kitchen. Stockings hanging below the television. All in preparation to be reminded of when the Almighty God Himself decided to become nothing more than an infant, physically dependent on a mother for survival, physically susceptible to bruises and scrapes, vulnerable to Satan’s temptations and fear, knowing the entire time that His mission on earth would be a sacrificial death for our eternal lives.

There’s Christmas jazz on the television now. My husband says Daisy won’t eat her pureed fruit. I must leave to nurse her. Thank you for reading, friends. May we continue to ask our questions to the Lord. My goodness must He love our curiosity over our doubt. Must He admire our great faith. Until next time.

Katie Donohue Tona

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1. Then the Lord said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings,” Exodus 3:7

“And He passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness,” Exodus 34:6