How to Deal with People You Disagree with as a Christian
4 Easy Steps to Winning Every Conflict
Writing with Jesus is a reader-supported publication where laughter is found, tears are shed, and faith is made steadfast. Writings on wrestling with God, motherhood, and some comedy to lighten the mood.
Well friends, it’s been a while since we came out with a how-to guide. My team has just been begging me, “C’mon Katie, when are you going to publish the next how-to guide! We need so much help knowing how to do things.”
“Fear not,” I said, because that’s biblical, “I will tell you how to do everything.”
Starting with how to deal with people you disagree with and winning every conflict as a Christian. This is an important topic because most people find themselves in lots of disagreements ever since Adam’s sin in the fall. But wait, Katie, Eve was the one who sinned! you might be thinking. Yes, but in Genesis God blamed Adam because he is the leader of the relationship. This is why every time I sin, I blame my husband, because that’s biblical. Anyways, let’s get started.
Speak 4x times more than you listen
In fact, keep listening to a bare minimum so you can focus more on what you want to say next. Also, if you overwhelm your opponent with more talking, they’ll eventually start to question themselves and believe everything you are saying. This is not gaslighting, this is being right. This also works when evangelizing. I have converted dozens of people simply by talking so much they said, “Fine! I believe in Jesus! I repent or whatever!” Tears of joy well up in my eyes every time.
Always Argue Online
If given the choice between arguing in person or online, always choose online. In Matthew 18 when Matthew is talking about confronting someone who has sinned against you, he means do it online. And if someone starts to argue with you in person, it’s best to leave immediately without saying a word and then send them a brutal message over Facebook Messenger telling them off. This way you can confront someone from the comfort of your own home and eat a snack while arguing. You can’t snack while arguing in person. It throws off the mood.
Apologizing
I recently brought this exact issue to my pastor’s wife over coffee to discuss how to handle a situation with someone in our church. She said no matter what, always lead with love and apologize even if we believe the other person is wrong because if we don’t, we have pride in our hearts. I’m here to tell you that advice was totally bogus. Never apologize. It shows weakness. You’re not being prideful. You’re being right. In fact, if you are in a disagreement with someone, right in the middle of it you should blurt out, “You owe me an apology.” This will throw off your opponent completely and they will forget they were disagreeing with you.
Mindset
My last piece of advice here might be the most crucial. Some people say to always pray before you enter a conflict. I say, read the most violent passages in the Old Testament to really give you that strategical edge and get you fired up in the best mindset. Your opponent will be fresh off of reading books like 1 John which are distinctly not violent, but you’ll have images of every person and oxen dying by the sword fresh in your mind. It makes a difference. Don’t believe me? Give it a shot.
I hope this helps! I know that being right is one of the highest values for Christians. That and dating. In fact, if you follow these four easy steps it will probably help you in your dating life and at work. Feel free to share your success stories in the comments!
Katie Donohue Tona
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🤣🤣🤣 I love this 👍👍👍 great work!
Hahaha that was a lot of fun!