A Writer, A Therapist: On Death
One of my clients died, an obituary
One of my clients died. Due to HIPPA laws I can give no other details. I cannot tell my loved ones who they are. Working in the mental health field, there are others who have died that I cared for. But as a therapist? There is no relationship quite like it.
As writers we do not have the choice to keep our pens or keyboards silent. We live in submission to the words. We don’t choose when they come, but we do obey their demand to be written. Moments in life like this one, I am subservient.
In becoming a therapist, in being one, we often hear how we will touch others’ lives. We are thanked, hugged, patted on the back, sometimes through tearful eyes or grateful smiles. Not nearly enough though was I prepared for how clients will touch my life.
For years I’ve been meeting with them nearly every week, exploring the deepest, most intimate parts of their childhood, their relationships, their fears, desires, their life. We laughed much more than they cried. This, too, was therapy. Sometimes my eyes swelled with tears as we sat in their pain. How could I not? Their story is not an easy one, not even close.
I cannot bring anyone to the funeral, nor can I speak to anyone there. I have no pictures for keepsake. This is the job.
I will go back to work without their name on my schedule. It will never be there again.
So this is the obituary I will share. They were one of the most resilient human beings I have ever known. Hilarious. Talented. A fierce reminder of the strength of the human spirit, truly. In love with the Lord. Thank goodness. I will see them again someday. Perhaps we will sit, talk, laugh, once again, not as therapist nor client, bound by laws and ethics, but as children of God in the Garden, free from the pains and chains and brokenness of this world which we knew too well, finally.
Katie Donohue Tona
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I sure understand this feeling. Thanks for sharing your heart, and for the role you've played in the healing journey of others. It can be a lonely thing as you described.