Dear Daisy (& Readers)

The story behind a mother writing letters to her baby girl

Dear Daisy (and you, Reader),

First of all, hi! Thank you for being here. This is an overview on what to expect as I embark on letter writing. It’s summer in Florida as I write this. A storm is brewing outside, the trees are dancing in excitement for it all, and I have maybe 20 minutes if I’m lucky to write this before I’m just a walking milk jug (if you’re a mom, or a parent, you understand).

Daisy is four months old, 17 weeks to be exact. Me, I’m 27, a couple months shy of 28.

I’m also a flight attendant’s wife, a therapist, an artist, an aspiring musician forever, a writer since I can remember, a singer simply petrified to be heard but willing to do it anyway if the Lord tells me too, an ex-improv comedy performer who would love to get back on stage when I find the time, an older sister, a daughter, a friend. But more importantly, in these letters I’m Mama, new to the role but already my favorite thing I’ve ever been. And most importantly, above anything else, and foundationally under it all, I’m His, a child of God, beloved by Jesus. Praise the Lord, I could cry. He saved a wretch like me. That will never get old.

My prayer is that these letters make you laugh, inspire you to pray, reveal the reality of walking with Jesus, and help you see love at work because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

And Reader, if you’re wondering why this publication exists, here’s a brief backstory. I always wanted to write letters to my babies, even while pregnant, but after experiencing a miscarriage and then immediately falling pregnant again weeks later, connecting to my rainbow baby while she grew in the womb was painful, and most days if I’m being honest, felt impossible. The spiritual warfare was so thick, my grief from losing the first pregnancy, so great. If you’ve experienced pregnancy after loss, you might understand. I could hardly acknowledge I was pregnant and believe a baby would safely be brought home with me at the end of it all let alone write letters to one. When Daisy was handed to me at her birth, I saw a stranger. A stranger I deeply adored, but a stranger no less.

When I was in college taking classes for a minor in creative writing, I wrote an angry poem about what it was like being a daughter to a mother who, well, to put it lightly, could not mother. I wrote about how when I had a daughter one day, I would avenge the sin made against me by loving my future daughter with all the love I had for her plus all the love that should’ve been given to me, plus all the love my mother should’ve had from my grandmother, and all the love my grandmother should’ve had from her mother, and so forth. Oh, younger Katie, though she be but little she was fierce. Almost a decade later the Lord has shown me that I cannot in my own strength redeem my own story. I’ll only make matters worse. He is the Redeemer. Only He can. I surrender.

“O, when she’s angry, she is keen and shrewd!
She was a vixen when she went to school;
And though she be but little, she is fierce.”

Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream Act 3, Scene 2

To my surprise, I’ve encountered women from broken mother-daughter relationships who swore they only wanted sons. “I had a bad relationship with my mother,” they would say, or something of the like. Reader, if that’s you, let me just say this, you are loved. I am so sorry for the pain you have endured. My heart aches at the thought. Our stories might be different, but in my own way, I understand. Should you have a daughter one day, or if you already have one, the Lord is with you. He knows your heart and if you’d let Him, He will ensure that you will be different. And the relationship with your daughter will be different. Read the Word, the scriptures of the Holy Bible, alive and breathing and active (Hebrews 4:12). He’ll show you.

Letters will be sent out at least once a month. Perhaps more if I have something to say. Goodness I’m excited. My dear Daisy, I love you so much. And Reader, thank you for coming along.

Love always & always,

Mama

Note: This is my secondary publication. My primary is Writing with Jesus, “a reader-supported publication where laughter is found, tears are shed, and faith is made steadfast. Writings on wrestling with God, motherhood, travel, and some comedy to lighten the mood.” So, if you’ve enjoyed my writing and you’re looking for comedy, deep introspective pieces about faith, and a private chat community of writers, readers, and believers from all over the world, feel free to check it out! We have fun over there.

And if you’re interested in Daisy’s birth story on Writing with Jesus, click here!

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