Valentine's Day Gift Guide for Jesus Freaks

Being left behind after the rapture, divorce, and other things to avoid by gift giving

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Friends, Christmas and New Years are over. And you know what that means. The “V” word. I specifically told my husband, Ryan, that he could not bring up the “V-word” or pester me about it until after the holidays. “It’s Christmas gosh darn it,” I said to him, “Can’t I enjoy my holiday in peace?”

Hey, get your head out of the gutter. I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. Geez.

It’s time to start thinking about the next holiday around the corner. Ryan is a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. It’s actually quite sweet. It’s one of his favorite holidays along with Christmas and July 4th (Independence Day in the United States). Because if that’s not a stereotypical all-American boy for you. If there’s three things that Ryan loves, it’s Jesus, his lady, and ‘Murica.

Sleepy Ryan first thing in the morning Valentine’s Day 2023

And then it occurred to me, you know what I’ve never seen in all my days? Gift guides for Jesus freaks. You know, a shopping guide to help give you ideas for what to gift someone. But specifically, someones who love and follow Jesus. So, I took it upon myself to make some because why not, it’s fun. Even if you don’t need ideas for what to gift someone for Valentine’s Day this year, feel free to stick around for the laughs. Consider this a little hangout with your totally cool, hip and happening, Jesus-loving, slightly unhinged, Valentine’s Day gift giving expert.

Some of these items are favorites that my husband and I have gifted one another on past Valentine’s Days, others are stuff that I think my husband will like that I’m totally not getting for him this year, and one other one I’m forced to get him because when I shared this gift guide with him, he literally started tearing up at the sheer thoughtfulness and romance of that particular gift. So, at this point if I don’t gift him that item in particular, I’ll be a bad wife, and I made a vow to the Lord on our wedding day that I would not be a bad wife.

(Quick disclaimer. You might see pictures of various people in the gift guide graphics. No, I am not suggesting you kidnap Christian comedian John Crist and gift him to your spouse. That would be weird and super disrespectful to John Crist’s time. He probably had something planned that day and you totally ruined it for him. Oh, and it’s a crime and stuff.)

Here’s what to expect in this post:

• Valentine’s Day gift guide for her

• Valentine’s Day gift guide for him

• Valentine’s Day gift guide for him + her

• Valentine’s Day gift guide for booklovers

• Valentine’s Day gift guide for kids + littles

• Pictures of my cat that showcase how much he does not like Valentine’s Day because he’s chronically single

Let’s start with the ladies shall we.

1. First and foremost. Mugs. What woman doesn’t love an aesthetically pleasing mug to add to her collection for coffee or tea. You’re welcome. Mug linked here.

2. Fellas, you can’t go wrong with some classic jewelry pieces like a gold watch, a cross necklace, or dainty hoop earrings (except if she likes silver. Go raid her jewelry right now to check if she’s a gold gal or a silver one). And if she’s anything like me, she loses her earrings constantly. Plus, all real Christians wear a cross necklace. That’s the mark of how you can tell if someone is truly saved. It says that in the book of Revelation. You wouldn’t want the rapture to happen only for your lady to not get beamed into Heaven because you forgot to get her a cross necklace. She would probably be super mad at you and freaked out because now she’s left behind.

3. Bible tabs. Fellas, are you really going to let her soft dainty princess fingers rummage through the Bible like a wild caveman trying to find a particular book? Are you that heartless? I don’t know what color you should get though, so you’re on your own there. Bible tabs linked here.

4. These custom, personalized gold rings by Priscilla Ma are everything. My husband got me one last Valentine’s Day with March flowers stamped into it along with the words “My Love” engraved on the inside. March is the month of his birthday and our baby girl’s due date month. She ended up being born at the end of February, but I added the ring to the stack on my ring finger and often get compliments on how it compliments my engagement ring and wedding band. Make me say “compliment” one more time. Link to custom rings here.

5. Girls Gone Bible! This might be more specific to Americans, but Girls Gone Bible is on tour in the U.S. right now. Super hot models and actresses turned servants of the Most High and I love them. They are a podcast duo who talk all things God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. You betcha I already shook down my husband to get my tickets because I couldn’t wait until Valentine’s Day. Link to tour tickets here.

6. Candy and flowers. Need I say more?

Alright now let’s check out the men. I mean, tackle men. I mean…just keep reading.